Friday, April 3, 2009

Letter Ten- Just do it

Dear Lisa 35,

Have the surgery.
Have it.
Get the bloody gall bladder out and get it over with.

Despite all good intentions, you WILL NOT heal it with diet, apple cider vinigar, honey and Reiki.

You dont even know what Reiki is do you ?

Sweetie, have the surgery and save us all a lot of sleepless night and painful days.

Just do it.

Lisa 45

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Letter Nine- Mum

Dear Lisa15,

You know how Mum says that she KNOW's when you are lying ?
Well, she does..........

You are so much easier to read than you realise, and despite what you think right now, SHE is not stupid.

Lisa 45

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Letter Eight- hysterectomy

Dear Lisa32,

I know you are suffering.
It's grief Lisa, pure and simple, even though you don't recognise that fact, i assure it's true.

I know you are still of a mind that grief is something felt when death occurs, and death to you means an end to physical life.

You wouldn't believe me if i told you that sometime in the VERY near future, your understanding of so many things is about to burst open, expand like you wouldn't believe possible- but, that is a subject for another time, not now-
Now i want to talk about the feelings you are experiencing since the hysterectomy.

Can i ask you to just know that it was in fact, a life saving surgery?
It saved our life.
It gave our kids a mother for years longer than they would have had you without the surgery.

THAT is what you need to focus on now- that is where you need to direct your energy- the anger you feel about the stolen opportunities is misguided and misdirected.

It also misrepresents you- you are not an angry person.

To be blunt, the only opportunity you missed out on was the opportunity to die at 31 years old.
Its true Lisa, you will know this in time.
I think you know it now.

Basically, you have been given a second chance- two beautiful, healthy kids and a life time to share with them, to be their mother.

Without the surgery, you would have bled out- bled to death- with it, you are alive and i tell you from here, life is about to get better than you ever thought it possible.

I want to tell you that 'anger' is not an answer and to let you know, that soon, you will realise this basic truth and soon you will release it from your life for good.

From here, at Lisa45, there is no more anger, ever- only acceptance, but again, that is for another time.

For now ,know it is as it is meant to be and work towards getting happy again, enjoying Marc and the kids.

'A uterus does not a woman make'
as soon as you let yourself believe that, the pain will stop.

love to you, younger me
Lisa 45 xx

Letter Seven- fear

Dear Lisa7,

Dont be scared.
Tell Mummy what is happening.
PLEASE, tell Mummy.

Lisa 45

Letter Six- Life and Stuff

Dear Lisa21,

As hard as it may be to believe right now, i want to tell you that early mornings ARE the best time of the day.
There is so much you can get done in those hours before the nest springs to life- it truly sets the pace for the rest of the day.
Start a good morning routine NOW.
Get up, get dressed, walk, get busy and do it about 6.30am..........

You can always have a nap later in the day if needed or if not, an early night is a great answer.

BTW- do you know how beautiful you are now? i know you look in the mirror and want to scream, but honestly, you have never been more fresh and alive- the glow about you is amazing.

Dad can see it- it is why he hates you wearing makeup of any kind, because it just takes away from the radiance..........

Be patient with him, Dad; he is the best father in the world and you will know that one day.

He thinks he knows everything because he actually does and though we will never admit that to him, its true- the man is a genius.

Next time you are out shopping, grab a copy of Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility , Emma and Jane Eyre......the first three are by Jane Austin and are classics you really need to read- the last one is by Charlotte Bronte- another literary classic.
They are hard going and knowing you, you will give up a few times, but i tell you Lisa, persistence will be so rewarding.

Put the bible away for now sweetie, its making you pig headed and arrogant- it is also allowing you to develop a judgemental streak that will be hard to kick.
Also,on the subject of books, you really don't need to read 'My Mother, My Self' by Nancy Friday.
There is nothing wrong with Mum and nothing wrong with you- time will put it in perspective.

For now, RESPECT your parents- the rest will fall into place and PLEASE keep recording your 'esp' moments- i know they are a secret but they wont always be and so much is happening right now.

The answers you seek are not in the Bible- put it away for now.

Will write again soon


PS...........Woollie needs to see a vet- now would be a good time xx